how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
