Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
