Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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