Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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