OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
