Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
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