I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
