what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
