remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
