drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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