Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
