I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
