Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
