I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
