i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
