I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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