Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
