My hand turned me down
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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