he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You pole danced in your parka.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Randomize
