im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
