i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
