I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Randomize
