Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
My penis needs a shock collar
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
