you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
