HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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