shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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