Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
