I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
