Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
