a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
She's JV to your varsity
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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