Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
