Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
