i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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