but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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