I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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