He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
