Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
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We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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