one two three fourrrrnication!
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
