I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'm like, not good at living.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
