it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
