Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
