She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
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she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
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I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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