thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
