i think i have herpe
just one?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
The uberlube is also flammable
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
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