this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
