gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
