I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
