P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
My Sexting was not on an AP level
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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