White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
