Already got asked if we're dating
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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