I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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