Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
