i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
