Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
