and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
