Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
