There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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