Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
