First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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