I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
