I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize