I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
