You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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