the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
