It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
well you can't waste a boner
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
