It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
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and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
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I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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