I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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