i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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