see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
So squirting runs in the family.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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