Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
It's shark week go big or go home
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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