The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
