My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
