doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
