How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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