I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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