I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
