so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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